A Place Needed Most
by Merwhos
Summary: Morgana chants a spell that sends her back in time. She ends up in a time before her sister arrived, and Merlin poisoned her. Morgana isn't exactly happy about that. Eventually, she goes on a quest to stop the poisoning from happening. Slow mergana. Rated T to be safe.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N** ** I'm new to writing, so don't expect something amazing, but I hope it's at least reasonable. If you find any spelling errors, please tell me so, it would only help me improve! And please tell me that I wasn't the only one disappointed at Merlin and Morgana's 'confrontation' if you could call it that.**

_Chapter 1_

Morgana felt lonely. Not that she'd ever admit it to anyone, but sitting alone in her cold hovel wasn't exactly nice. It wasn't all too bad when she still had her sister. But she didn't have her either, not anymore at least. She did all she could to save her, but her sister had other plans. It was a blow to the face when the plan, where her sister had to die for, didn't work. Her sister died for nothing. A pang of guilt rushed through her, and her eyes focused on the book her sister left her. She didn't want to keep it, but her sister insisted.

Morgana walked over to the book, and trailed her fingers over the cover. She must have had a reason in giving it to her, she didn't know what the reason was, and she knew all the spells she could need. The book looked rather plain, but she felt the presence of magic. She took a deep breath, and opened the book on a random page. It read;

_TRANSPORTATION SPELL_

_TO TRANSPORT A PERSON TO A PLACE HE/SHE NEEDS._

_USED TO UNCOVER HIDDEN FEELINGS AND NEEDS, WHICH HE/SHE MAY NOT EVEN BE AWARE OF._

Morgana read the text, and snickered, how could that spell be useful? It was ridiculous. Used to uncover hidden feelings, what kinds of people don't even know what they're feeling! She wanted to close the book again, but she still wondered. Her sister left her this, and maybe it wasn't a coincidence that she ended up opening this page. Morgana bit her lip, and read the spell.

_QUAE AB OCCULTA VENIAT._

The spell didn't seem hard, and her curiosity grew. It wouldn't hurt to cast it wouldn't it? She had no underlying feelings and thoughts, did she? The way to find it out, however ridiculous it sounded, lay in front of her. She closed her eyes, suddenly feeling nervous. _I have no reason to be nervous!_ She reminded herself.

"Quae ab occulta veniat." She muttered. Her magic stirred inside of her, and she felt a strange kind of dizziness. She kept her eyes closed; afraid of what she'd see when she opened them. She gathered the courage to slightly open her eyes, and the warm rays of sunlight hit her cold face. She looked around her, and saw the alarming view of her old room. She was in Camelot! Of all places!

What could she possibly need from this godforsaken place, it was like she was trapped in the same nightmare she was years ago. This could never be her hidden desire, what kind of foolish trickery was this! The spell had to be reversible!

**~#~**

Morgana had no time to calm down, since a loud knock on her door was heard. She tried to compose herself enough to be presentable, and was about to let whoever it was in, when she noticed she wasn't exactly wearing something she would wear back then. She started to panic, when the person knocked again.

"Is everything alright?" she heard from behind the door. She could recognize that voice anywhere; she had heard it too many times before.

Merlin, the boy who poisoned her, and left her to die, for reasons unknown to her, but she did not care for the reason anymore. All that matted was the fact that he betrayed her in the worst way possible.

She didn't want anyone to see her like this, wearing an impaired black dress. It wasn't something the king's ward would wear. She wanted to avoid any drama, at least until she figured out what the hell was going on, and why the hell she would need any of this.

"Just a second!" She shrieked, quickly grabbing a dress from her closet. How was she going to zip this up on her own? Oh god, how did she get into this mess again? She understood the saying '_curiosity__ killed the cat'_ now.

"Alright..." She could hear the confusion in his voice. She managed to get the dress on, but she wasn't able to get the zipper up on her own, just like she thought. She rolled her eyes in frustration, and straightened up her face, before she unlocked the door.

Merlin looked at her with his eyebrows raised, and a stupid look on his face. Anger boiled inside of her, and she had to force a smile on her face. She could barely contain the need to slam him onto the wall, with enough force to kill him. She didn't know how long she would manage to keep fooling him, since he was smarter than she had initially imagined, but she kept her sweet facade anyway.

"Sorry, for the wait." She smiled, noticing that Merlin held the all too familiar draft that helped her sleep in his hand. He looked at her a little too long to be friendly, but she dismissed the thought from her mind.

"There's something wrong with your dress." He noted awkwardly. She raised her eyebrows, and tried to hide her irritation with Merlin for stating the obvious.

"Is there?" She said innocently, meeting Merlin's eyes.

"I think it's not zipped up…" he glanced at her back, making her feel uncomfortable. She cleared her throat, and thought of an excuse.

"I was waiting for Gwen..." She lied, being glad that she was good at lying. It had saved her more than once. However, Merlin didn't buy it, as always.

"It's a little late to put on another dress." Merlin started to get suspicious. Morgana felt her anger rising again, and bit back an angry retort.

"Why are you here?" Morgana said to change the subject, before she did something she would regret later. It would only end in more explaining and questions she didn't feel like answering.

"Gaius asked to give you this." He handed her the draft, and fixed his gaze on the ground, waiting for her to say something. She toyed with the bottle in her hands, not knowing what to say. She just wanted some time to think, and with Merlin around she wasn't able to.

"Thank you Merlin." She said, hoping he got the hint to leave. He nodded, and gave her a quick smile, which she returned reluctantly. He never smiled genuinely at her anymore, not that she really missed it, but it was... Different, all this kindness. Things changed when she found out she had magic, not just for the better. He finally left her, and she let out a breath she didn't even know she was holding. She stopped thinking, because it gave her a sinking feeling in her stomach, and she hated that feeling.

God, that was difficult! How was she supposed to pull off being so nice, until she found a way out of here! If she ever found a way... Being stuck here was toying with her mind.

Fatigue fell over her, and she felt lightheaded. A lot happened today, and it was really tiring. She could feel her eyelids closing. Her old bed was certainly comfortable, she remembered, and let herself fall on it with a heavy sigh. There was at least one upside to being stuck in the past. Her bed was comfy. But it was probably the only upside to it. She closed her eyes completely, before she drifted to sleep, a small smile crept up her lips. This time she would do everything right. This time, Camelot will be hers.

**~#~**


	2. Chapter 2

_Chapter 2_

The next morning, she woke to the voice of her servant, Gwen. She didn't hate her as much as Merlin, because of obvious reasons. It would probably be easier for her to be nice to Gwen. The image of her vision, where Gwen was wearing her crown, still bothered her, but now that she was in the past, she had more chance of stopping it from happening altogether.

"Good morning, Milady." Gwen gave her a weak, tired smile. Morgana returned it, feeling nostalgic. She wasn't used to people treating her with such kindness and consideration, but she didn't mind it. Morgana yawned, and sighed contently. She hadn't slept so well in a long time. The bed in her hovel usually had her waking up with either her back, or neck hurting. She would just cast a quick spell, and the pain was gone, but still.

"Good morning Gwen." Morgana blinked when Gwen opened the curtains, and the sunlight shined bright upon her face. Morgana pushed her blankets off of her. Gwen had already laid out her clothes for the day. She looked at the dress Gwen laid out for her, and smiled. It used to be her favorite. The fabric hugged her body in all the right ways.

"Is it okay?" Gwen asked. What kind of stupid question is that, it's just a dress...? Of course it's okay.

"It's fine." She responded, and bit her lip. She couldn't wait to wear it.

Morgana put on her dress, and Gwen zipped it up for her. Gwen had an amused glint in her eyes, she would recognize that look of her anywhere. She knew her too well. What was so amusing about zipping up someone's dress? Morgana hated being left out, and she had to know, even if she had to use… dangerous methods.

"What's wrong?" Morgana questioned pressing Gwen to give her an answer. Gwen couldn't hold back her laugh, and giggled loudly. Morgana was starting to get irritated. Just tell me already! Gwen noticed that Morgana was getting agitated, and calmed herself down to her best efforts. But small giggles still escaped her lips.

"Merlin, told me about yesterday… about your dress…" Gwen beamed. Morgana clenched her fists, holding herself back from something she would better not do. That was it!? But wait, didn't Gwen use to have a crush on Merlin? That would explain why she thought that was funny, she could use this information to her advantage somehow. This was getting interesting…

"What's funny about that?!" Morgana sneered, not even bothering to hide the venom in her voice. The mere thought of Merlin made her feel on edge. That it was humanly possible to loathe a person that much. Merlin wasn't even that funny. Gwen immediately stopped laughing, like she was caught doing something she shouldn't. Well, she kind of was.

"It's just that… never mind..." Gwen stammered. Gwen toyed with her hands. Morgana didn't like future Gwen, but she could at least talk like a normal person, and she didn't have to pretend to like her so much.

"I can manage on my own from here." She dismissed Gwen, before she would raise anymore suspicion, and knowing Gwen, she would go running to Merlin when she noticed something was off. Like the sweet little puppy she was, and everyone loved, she had to admit, she was a little jealous of her ability to make everyone love her like that. But that didn't matter; she didn't need anyone to love her. She was strong, and independent. What more could she need!?

_Stupid Gwen, stupid Merlin, stupid past! I've had enough of this already!_

~#~

If she remembered correctly, her father would sometimes eat breakfast with her, and Arthur. Since Gwen hadn't brought her breakfast, they were probably eating breakfast together, like a happy family. If only Uther knew how much she loathed him. Oh well, he would find out soon enough.

She made her way through the corridors of the castle. She prepared herself to see everyone she hated, all collected in one room. How was she going to hold herself back? Uther would probably give all his attention to his sweet little Arthur, his legitimate son, anyway. So she wouldn't have to speak. Just eat.

She had arrived at the big doors, and opened them slightly. Everyone was already there. And everyone's eyes were fixed on her. She usually didn't mind being the centre of attention, but right now, it wasn't pleasant. She beamed at everyone and took her usual seat on the table.

The sweet scent of good food filled her senses, and her stomach growled. Another upside to her ordeal. The good food. So there were two in total, maybe three.

"Did you sleep well?" Uther asked her in his sweet tone, that he reserved for her. She took a sip of the water in her glass, and faked a content smile.

"I did, thank you." She replied. Uther nodded, before he reverted his attention to Arthur again. She felt someone staring at her, and glanced at the source. When Merlin noticed that he was caught staring, he quickly reverted his eyes. She frowned, feeling slightly uncomfortable about being watched. She took another sip of her glass, which was now empty.

Merlin saw and he walked over to her, wanting to fill it with water again. A painful memory hit her, and she couldn't resist the temptation of turning him down.

He walked back to his resigned spot. Feeling slightly hurt and confused, she could see. But she didn't care. Let him be confused. She stared at him thinking of ways, she could torture him, and kill him. When a voice waked her from her daydream, to her chagrin. She was just getting to the good part.

"What do you think Morgana?" Uther asked her. She frowned. She didn't follow Arthur's and Uther's conversation. Arthur thankfully noticed her confusion.

"We were talking about what kind of wine we should have at the feast." He hinted her. Oh no, not a feast. When was that feast? She had to ask someone about that later. She scanned her brain for any wine names that she had long forgot.

"I'm sure that you have better taste in wine than I do, therefore I'd better leave the decision to you." She spoke. Arthur grinned, and Uther nodded in agreement. This resulted in an eye roll from her. She was getting a little thirsty, and licked her dry lips. But she didn't want to ask Merlin for a drink, not now, not ever. Uther and Arthur were engaged in conversation, and there was nothing better for her to do than give Merlin glares. It made her feel better to at least, express some hate to Merlin, and if her came asking her about her glaring, what he would definitely do, she could just shrug him off.

Merlin was clearly feeling uncomfortable under her gaze, and was cautious to never meet her eyes, this was amusing. She continued to torment him, until the breakfast full of uninteresting chattering finally came to an end.

_~#~_

When she walked out of the door, she could hear the sound of footsteps behind her. Just like she expected, Merlin came to bother her with questions that she wasn't going to answer. She continued walking, until she could feel his hand around her arm, turning her to face him.

She acted like she was surprised that he turned her around. His worried look made her grin, and he held her arm for a little too long. She resisted the urge to jerk her arm out of his grasp, like she wanted to, so badly. Instead, she gently pulled her arm back, and prepared herself for what was about to come.

"Can I help you, Merlin?" she asked him innocently, like she didn't know what his problem was. He glanced around him, to see if there was anyone there. Before he finally spoke.

"Is there something wrong?" His concern for her amused her. If only he knew. She couldn't believe he was actually concerned about her. He is just faking; he doesn't actually care for her. If he did, he would never have poisoned her in cold blood. She balled her fist at the thought. She knew she couldn't take this game too far, it was better that nobody knew that she didn't belong in this time.

"I don't know what you're talking about..." She stared at him on purpose, and he looked anywhere but at her eyes. He instead focused on the torch behind her.

He gulped at her answer, but didn't back down, as always; he was being as predictable as ever.

"You... Stared at me the whole time." He said, uncertain. She had to play with him like this more often, it was so much fun to fool him, and so easy too.

"I don't know what you're talking about…" she responded. He began to question himself now; she could see his confusion written on his face. But he pressed on. She wondered how long it would take him to realize that she was just going to continue denying him. Her dry throat was begging for some water, and she prayed that this conversation wouldn't take long.

_~#~_


	3. Chapter 3

_Chapter 3_

"Are you sure there's nothing wrong? You have been acting weird since yesterday..." He said with concern etched on his face.

She shook her head. Now it was just getting annoying. I'm not going to tell you anything, get over it already! She must give him some credit though; he was good at feigning concern for her.

"I'm sure there's nothing wrong" she replied, her impatience wasn't hard to see. Merlin shrugged and looked at his feet awkwardly, it was clear he was at a loss for words.

"I'm sorry, I just thought that…. never mind"

She smiled and patted his arm. Good, this conversation was finally over. It was funny for a while, but it was just starting to get on her nerves. All these questions... Just because she was staring, he really knew how to exaggerate.

"It's okay." She shook her head. She turned around and walked away. She knew that Merlin still had questions, but heck, she didn't want to answer them, so she wasn't going to. Being here in the past was bad enough.

_~#~_

_Merlin pov_

He entered the physicians chamber, feeling as confused as ever. He confronted Morgana to get some answers, but all he got were more questions. He knew for certain now, that there was something going on with Morgana, but he just couldn't wrap his head around what. And what caused her change in demeanor so suddenly.

At first he thought she just had a weird day, when he gave her the sleeping draft yesterday. He'd had a bad feeling in his gut, like something was really wrong. That feeling just increased when he saw Morgana. It had something to do with Morgana, and he'd learnt that when he had an odd feeling, he was usually right. He bit his lip, trying to find an answer that he just couldn't reach.

He'd been so deep in thought that he didn't notice Gaius staring at him, wondering what the hell was happening now. Gaius snapped his fingers in front of his face.

"What's wrong?" Gaius asked. Merlin snapped out of his thoughts, and tried to conceal his worries. Gaius wasn't fooled by his 'nothing is wrong face' anymore, and continued staring at him. The more Gaius stared, the more uncomfortable Merlin felt. Merlin knew that he would continue doing so, until he would tell him what was wrong. And sighed, these kinds of things he'd rather figure out on his own.

"It just... I had this feeling..." Gaius raised his eyebrows, and listened expectantly. Merlin somehow felt wrong in telling Gaius this... But he had no idea why. "In my gut. Like something is wrong." Merlin hated accusing his friend of something that she might never do, just because of some 'feeling', but it would be unwise to ignore it.

Merlin sat down on the chair opposite of Gaius, and stared at his hands, before he continued speaking. "It has something to do with, Morgana, but I don't know why."

Gaius nodded, and looked deep in thought about something. He stared blankly ahead of him, a hint of sorrow in his eyes. Merlin was about to ask why, when Gaius spoke.

"Was she acting odd?" he asked. Merlin thought back to their little conversation earlier, and her staring- no it was more like glaring at him, during breakfast. And the way her face looked, so angry and full of hate, when she thought nobody could see.

"Yeah" Merlin said absentmindedly. Her troubled face, a clear image in his mind. He was absolutely certain it had something to do with Morgana, he was getting increasingly frustrated.

"What did she do?" Gaius didn't look as surprised as Merlin had thought he would, but didn't comment on it.

"Nothing in particular. She's just different somehow." He tried to think of a way to describe it, but there wasn't really a way. He felt somewhat bad about doubting her like this. She didn't do anything wrong, and he knew her. She has a good heart.

"Maybe you should give it some time. She could just be having a bad day." Merlin snickered, he'd already done that.

When he thought of past experiences with giving things some time, things ended up worse. Camelot was either attacked, or Arthur's life would be in danger somehow, just because he put too much trust in people. He knew that he tried too hard to see the good in people. He didn't want to make the same mistake again. Too much was at stake.

But with Morgana things were different right? He knew her, she was his friend. She deserved the benefit of the doubt. She has done nothing major; it's just that stupid feeling that makes him feel sick in his stomach. He was just exaggerating. He tried to calm his thoughts, and think clearly. But he needed to be alone to do that.

"You're right." Merlin responded. Gaius gave him a weak smile to try and reassure him, it didn't help much. All these conversations he had, to get answers, just left him wondering even more. He wondered off to his room, and stared out of the window, gazing at the stars, like they could provide him with answers. But they never did.

_~#~_

_Morgana pov_

Morgana's thoughts were racing though her head. This wasn't good. She had taken the game too far. She had planted the seed of doubt in Merlin's mind already the day he brought her the draft, and all she did was confirm his feelings. She wasn't afraid of him, but she knew him. And when things bothered him, he would tell Gaius, and Gaius wouldn't give him the answer he wanted. Merlin would eventually express the feeling of doubt to Gwen, and Gwen was her servant. Who doubts her as well, and they would make a wonderful team of discovering Morgana's secret, that they had no business with. They just can't leave things be cant they.

She wondered how long it would take for her sister to arrive in Camelot again. She kind of dreaded the moment she would come, but she also wanted it to happen, so she could get of this predicament as quickly as possible.

But, she still wondered, why she was here. So far, this place had given her nothing but unnecessary trouble. She had to admit, that she had missed more than she thought here. The more time she spent in this time, the more she wondered. How would things be if Merlin never poisoned her, if she never did all those things, to try and get the throne. She was in a position to stop the poisoning from happening altogether. The thought was alluring, and she seriously considered staying, to stop it, or to at least know why it had happened.

At first, she pretended she didn't even care anymore why it had happened. But now that she was in this position, it was beginning to matter. Why would Merlin, of all people, get to the point of poisoning her, without any reason she knew of.

The longer she was here, the more worse it got. If only she could have her sister in her arms, telling her what to do….

_~#~_


	4. Chapter 4

_Chapter 4_

She had been in the past for another week, and things had gone quite smoothly. She managed to play nice to everyone without lashing out, and she felt quite proud of herself. The only bad thing was that even Arthur was beginning to notice something was wrong. She didn't know if Merlin said anything, or maybe even Gwen, but she doubted he could've figured it out on his own.

She had counted down the days 'till her sister would finally arrive. And the day had come. Today she would finally see her sister again. It had been too long, and she swore that if she had to spend another week in this agony, she would go completely mad.

She had been cheery all day, and even Gwen commented on it. "What's to celebrate?" she had asked. Morgana had just quirked a smile at her, and responded;

"It's just a beautiful day, don't you think?" and Gwen had laughed, and continued combing her hair in silence.

After a long time of anticipating her arrival, she finally came. Morgana smiled honestly for the first time in forever. She did get weird looks from everyone who witnessed it. And she could just hear them thinking, why would she be smiling like that? But she didn't care. All that mattered was that she could finally get out of here, and most importantly put her arms around her sister again.

She avoided thinking of the fact that her sister was dead now, since she didn't want to ruin her good mood, because a good mood didn't happen often with her. Morgause left the throne room, and she rushed after her. What she didn't notice was that Merlin followed her, after noticing that she seemed a little too happy to have visitor at Camelot.

_~#~_

Her sister stopped when she noticed that Morgana was following her, and turned around. Morgana resisted the urge to leap into her arms, since she was sure Morgause wouldn't react all too well. Instead she just gave her a big-toothed smile, and Morgause raised her eyebrows at her.

"Can I assist you?" Morgause asked her formally. Oh right, she was acting like I wasn't her sister. Morgana chuckled, but Morgause still didn't get it that Morgana knew she was her sister.

"There's no need to be so formal, sister..." Morgana put an emphasis on the word sister, and Morgause's eyes widened. But she soon grinned at her, and pulled her into an earthy hug. They were both laughing when they held each other in their arms, and Morgana had never felt such a feeling of euphoria that she felt now. They released each other and looked into each other's eyes.

"It's really good to see you." Morgana beamed, Morgause smiled affectionately at her.

"It's good to see you too." Morgause sighed. She wanted to say something when she was interrupted by Arthur screaming "MERLIN!" down the halls.

"Merlin is Arthur's servant." Morgana groaned, putting as much hate into her voice as she could possibly muster, Morgause frowned at Morgana's cold demeanor, and Morgana answered her before she could even ask. "He's just as awful as Uther."

"Why?" Morgause wondered, and Morgana huffed, crossing her arms.

"He tried to poison me..." Morgana said a hint of sadness and pure hurt in her voice. Morgause couldn't even muster a coherent sentence, in the rage that was going through her.

"He tried to poison you!?" She hissed, Morgana was taken aback by the venom in Morgause's voice, and could only nod. "Why isn't he dead yet?"

Morgana frowned, she couldn't answer that... Why wasn't he dead yet? She didn't know. She had attempted to kill him in the past, and here she was, where Merlin was at his most venerable and she didn't even lift a finger. She makes excuses in her mind like; don't do it you'll blow your cover. But she could easily do it, and nobody would even suspect it was her doing.

"I don't know..." Morgana answered honestly. Morgause put her hands on her hips. She raised her eyebrows.

"You don't know? What do you mean?"

"I mean... That I don't know..." Morgana answered again.

Morgause didn't say anything. She just stared at her, with her eyebrows raised. It was obvious she was thinking about something that totally wasn't the case.

"No!" Morgana yelled. Never, she felt nauseous just at the fact that somebody could even think she had a crush on the servant. "I don't like him, not even close!"

Morgause nodded, but it didn't look like she believed a word Morgana was saying. Morgana was frustrated to say the least; she didn't want her sister to think that! She wanted to protest some more, but her sister had already dismissed the topic.

"How did you know? That I'm your sister?"

"I chanted a spell. And I ended up in the past." Morgause cleared her throat, and tried to take in the information.

"Really?" Morgause asked. Morgana nodded, and chuckled at her sister's confused face.

"I chanted a spell from a book you gave me. It said something about transporting you to a place you needed…" Morgana hoped that Morgause could give her an answer as to why she needed to be here. But right now she was certain she needed to be here to see her sister again. But Morgause didn't seem to think so.

"Maybe…" she paused for a second. "Maybe you're here, to correct the wrongs done to you..."

"What do you mean?" Morgana couldn't only think of one thing, but she didn't think that was the reason she was here. She was certain it was because of her sister; no way the reason had something to do with Merlin.

"The poisoning…" Morgause had a hard time saying it, she noticed.

"I don't think so." Morgana spat back, appalled by the suggestion. Never.

"Don't tell me you didn't consider stopping it from happening."

Morgana bit her lip. She did... But that didn't mean she was here for that sole reason… it's only logical a person would think that! She had stopped caring about that piece of her past a long time ago! "I did consider it. But..." Morgause cut her off.

"Well, why not do it then?"

Morgana widened her eyes, no; she would not go through with it again. It was where the whole ordeal started, to go through with it all over again…

"No." Morgana said a little weaker than she wanted to. Morgause noticed her voice cracking, and pressed on.

"That's settled then." Morgause said.

Morgana wanted to object, but she knew it would be of no use. Morgause was the only one who could possibly know a reversal to the spell, and she wouldn't give it to her. Not willingly, and Morgana didn't want to torture her sister. She just had to put up with it.

_~#~_

_Merlin pov_

"It's good to see you... Sister." Morgana said, a certain softness in her voice that Merlin had missed a long time. That's when it hit him. Her wording. Sister… sister!? Did he hear that correctly? He took a risk, and looked at Morgana and Morgause. They were hugging, and laughing.

Merlin felt a pang in his chest, and looked away. Morgana and Morgause are sisters. That was that feeling… he knew that bad things happened when he felt like that, but this… he never expected this... He was about to look again, when a loud voice startled him.

"MERLIN!" Arthur screamed, Merlin held in a shriek, and let go a shaky breath. He heard Morgause chuckle, and Merlin knew he had to go. Arthur would just yell again if he didn't. And he couldn't risk the fact that Morgause or Morgana would look, and see him.

He reluctantly left, feeling numb. Arthur noticed that he was behaving strangely, when he caught Merlin staring blankly at nothing. Arthur shrugged it off as Merlin behaving odd again, but Merlin didn't know what to do. He had to find Gaius. At first he wanted to handle it on his own, but this, was something he just couldn't do on his own.

_~#~_


	5. Chapter 5

_Chapter 5_

When Arthur finally gave permission to leave, and go back to Gaius, he was certain of one thing. He was going to need some help. Doing something like this alone would be foolish, especially when he had no idea what Morgause's intentions were. When he arrived in the physicians chamber, Gaius was waiting for him, with dinner. Well, dinner was ready on the table, with Gaius' head on the table, fast asleep. Merlin contemplated if he should wake him up, since he knew how much sleep meant to Gaius, but he decided it was better that he told Gaius about this as soon as possible. He reluctantly shook Gaius out of his deep slumber, Gaius groaned, and yawned loudly, before looking at Merlin with half-closed eyes. Merlin giggled at the sight of Gaius, but quickly returned to the matters at hand.

"I know why I had that feeling." he told Gaius. That grabbed Gaius' attention, since his eyes widened, and the irritated expression that had appeared on his face faded. "I saw her, with that lady that came into the castle today. Morgause, I think her name was." Gaius sighed, biting his lip in thought.

"Why does that confirm your suspicions?" Gaius asked, Merlin gulped and took a deep breath before answering.

"She's her sister, and I think she's up to no good." Merlin felt a pang in his chest, afraid that Morgana would be influenced by her sister, but he pushed the thought away the second it appeared. Gaius mouth went open, and he couldn't have looked more baffled, or hilarious. "What should I do?"Merlin prayed Gaius would know what to do, because his mind went blank every time he tried to think of anything. He was still recovering from the shock.

"You should keep an eye on her." Gaius mumbled. No really? He could figure that out on his own. But how the hell was he going to do that? She wasn't stupid, she would notice that someone was spying on her. "Maybe Gwen can help." Gaius added when he noticed Merlin's pained expression. Merlin face lighted up. Yes, that was a great idea, if anyone could spy on Morgana without being noticed it would be Gwen. But how was he going to make her do that? Maybe she had noticed too, that Morgana was acting strange? He could at least try...

"I'm going to ask her for help." Merlin rushed to the door, but Gaius grabbed him by the arm.

"It would be better that you don't tell Gwen about the fact that Morgause is Morgana's sister." Gaius let go of his arm when Merlin nodded. He felt somewhat exited about Gwen and him working together, it was kind of lonely doing all the work alone. He strutted out of the physicians chamber, in search for Gwen

_~#~_

He found Gwen in the laundry room, doing laundry. What else would someone do in the laundry room? She was so into her work that she didn't hear him come in, Merlin cleared his throat, and Gwen's eyes snapped up like she was waked from a daydream. The corners of Merlin's mouth twitched at the sight of Gwen's surprised eyes, and he could sense that she was nervous in his company. He never really thought much of it, it was more that he hoped it wasn't some kind of crush, because he didn't return her feelings.

"Merlin!" she breathed, and dropped what she was doing instantly. Merlin responded by giving her a slight smirk, and Gwen fumbled with her fingers. Like she always does when she's nervous. What's there to be nervous about? Its just me…

"How are you?" he asked Gwen to start the conversation, no way that he was going to talk about his suspicions right away, he didn't want to scare her off.

Gwen's lips curled into a warm smile, that usually graced her features. Merlin loved that about her. She always saw the good in everything, and everyone. "I'm good, you?" she looked at him with curious eyes.

He let out a small laugh, feeling his worries fade away, "I'm.. Alright." Gwen's curious eyes were replaced with concerned ones. He wanted to tell her nothing was wrong, but then he would be lying. She patted his arm to comfort him, the small gesture widened his smile. Gwen smiled along with him. His smile faltered when he remembered the reason he was here in the first place.

"There's something I need to talk to you about." Gwen nodded, willing to listen to him. He took a deep breath and thought carefully about how to put this. "It's about Morgana." Merlin noticed her smile fading. "Have you noticed anything strange? About her, I mean.." Gwen inhaled sharply, and turned around. He could imagine what was happening inside of her head. She didn't want to betray her best friend, but she didn't want to lie either.

"I- I.." She stuttered, her cheeks flushing pink in embarrassment. He put his hand on his shoulder, returning the favour.

"It's okay." He reassured her, Gwen's eyes softened just slightly, and she turned around to face him again. She took a deep breath before she spoke.

"I have." She swallowed before she continued speaking. "I can't place my finger on it, there's just something.. Different." She bit her nails, Merlin nodded, and he felt glad he wasn't the only one. The only problem was; how was he going to convince Gwen to spy on Morgana. She was Gwen's best friend, she would feel bad.

"I want to help Morgana, but I can only do that if I know what's going on." He told Gwen carefully. Gwen looked into his eyes, and he could see the hesitance inside of her eyes. He prayed that she would go along with the plan. It would be so much easier that way. "She wont tell, us… so, you know what I mean.." Merlin muttered, feeling hesitant himself when he saw her eyes widen when she realised what he wanted her to do.

"I cant just spy on her like that." Gwen said, a slight frown on her face. "There's a reason she doesn't tell us." Gwen persisted. Merlin sighed, he knew she was right, but Merlin knew that it wasn't anything innocent, and they really had to know.

"It's for Morgana's own good. She's probably too embarrassed to tell us." He lied, even though he felt really bad about it. Gwen was getting nervous again, and she played with her hands, her mind elsewhere.

"Merlin…" she whispered, her tone soft and uncertain. "For Morgana, but if whatever she is hiding is something too personal, I will stop right away." Merlin felt relief wash over him, and held the urge to hug Gwen with all his might. Instead, he smiled brightly.

"Thank you." Merlin said, Gwen gave him a weak smile, probably feeling somewhat guilty about betraying her friend like that. But it was the only way.

**~#~**


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

Gwen's heart was racing, it felt like it could implode at any second now. She hated herself for it, but she has promised Merlin that she would keep an eye on Morgana. She wondered why Merlin was so concerned that he would go to the point of asking her to spy on her, and thinking that left a small pang on her chest. Merlin was so caring, she wished that he felt that way about her.

Morgana was sleeping peacefully in her bed, and seeing her like that, probably dreaming a peaceful dream since a smile was on her lips, made Gwen feel bad about waking Morgana up. She opened the curtain, and Morgana's eyes fluttered open. Gwen's stomach did flip-slops in the nervousness that she felt, but she tried to suppress that feeling. She didn't function well under pressure.

Morgana yawned and smiled sheepishly at Gwen with draped eyes from fatigue. Gwen had no idea where to start, there were so many questions to ask, and she didn't want to mess this up.

"sleep well?" Gwen asked, Morgana responded with a nod, and pushed her blanket off of her with a deep sigh. Gwen noticed that her mood had risen since the past week. Morgana had been getting more and more gloomy as the days had gone by, but her mood seems to have turned completely.

"You seem happy." Gwen noted, hoping that this was enough to get her to talk just a little. Morgana smiled and her eyes sparkled in a weird way that made Gwen feel somewhat uncomfortable. She had no idea why though.

"Yeah, I am." Morgana responded. Gwen bit her lip. That didn't work. She thought of something else to say, that could make Morgana reveal anything.

"Why?" Gwen tried, Morgana looked fazed for a second, but a smile appeared on her face in a split second. Gwen's heart was beating furiously in her chest, and she almost feared that Morgana would hear, but that would be impossible, so she brushed off the thought as soon as it came.

Morgana took a while before responding, a little too long, Gwen noticed. "I slept really well." Morgana was lying. Gwen knew her long enough to read her like an open book. Gwen gulped, feeling disappointed that Morgana wouldn't entrust her with her secret. They were friends right?

"I'm happy for you." Gwen forced a smile, and she knew that it wasn't convincing. But she just couldn't muster a genuine looking one. Gwen didn't ask Morgana any more questions, because she knew, that Morgana was never going to tell her, she was smart enough to keep her secret if she wanted to.

_**~#~**_

Morgana knew it. It was just like she thought, Merlin and Gwen teamed up against her. What a surprise. They were so predictable, Morgana felt disappointed in both of them. They thought so lowly of her, even then. When they were still friends, well apparently not.

She met with her sister, outside of Camelot, somewhere deep in the forest, like old times. Her sister immediately noticed her distress. At least she really cared for her.

"What's wrong?" her eyes were filled with concern, and Morgana smiled sadly, not wanting her sister to worry. It was just Merlin and Gwen, why did she feel so upset? It was to be expected from them.

"Merlin and Gwen know I'm hiding something." She told her sister. Her sister brushed her hair behind her ear, and smiled, trying to cheer her up.

"Does it matter?" Morgana sighed, she wanted to say no, but she would be lying. She had a hard time sorting her feelings out, and she felt like everything was going too fast. Her feelings were going to fast, and she had trouble keeping up.

"No." She lied, to her sister. She didn't want to admit it. She just couldn't. Her sister frowned, and looked Morgana in the eyes.

"You sure?' she said, softly. Morgana bit her lip, and nodded. She reverted her eyes from her sisters, feeling uncomfortable under her gaze. Morgana knew that her sister knew that she was lying. She could see it on her face. Her face showed signs of disappointment and sorrow.

"I-" Morgana started, not enduring her sister's disappointment any longer. "It does." She met her sisters eyes again, and continued. Still unsure. "I feel, rejected, and disappointed." Her sisters eyes softened.

"You see, they don't care for you like I do."

Morgana frowned, somehow determined to believe that they do, against all odds. "But…"

Her sister interrupted her. "They doubt you, they don't trust you." Her sister stepped closer to her, looking determined.

Morgana looked to the ground, nodding. Her sisters words hurt. She felt a pang in her stomach, at the harsh words. She knew the truth could be harsh, but she really believed they cared for her. Especially Gwen. She apparently cared more for Merlin.

"You're right." She shuffled with her feet on the muddy ground. Her sister embraced her tightly, Morgana returned her embrace slightly, the comfort she usually felt when her sister hugged her gone.

"I have to get back." Her voice was muffled by her sisters hair. Morgana pulled back from her sisters hug, and her sister nodded.

"I know it's hard for you."

Morgana nodded, and shrugged. "I'll survive." She faked a smile, to reassure her sister.

The hate she felt for the both of them had only grown. The time for hiding was over.

_**~#~**_


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N; I'd like to thank everyone who has reviewed/liked/followed my story so far! It means a lot to me, and it helps me to continue writing this story, since I'm the kind of person who starts doing something, but never ends up finishing it ^_^**

**So, a big hug to everyone, and I hope you'll enjoy the chapter.**

_Chapter 7_

Merlin was walking down the corridors of the castle of Camelot, on his way to see the royal prat, when a hand gripped his arm, and pulled him backwards. Merlin tensed immediately , when his eyes met the one's of Morgana. Her eyes were different then before. Her eyes were dark, and full of unexplainable anger. Merlin had no idea what was happening, but he didn't like it.

"Morgana?" he said, his voice uncertain. A small smirk lingered on Morgana's face, making Merlin feel all kinds of uncomfortable. Her hand was squeezing so hard around his arm, that it started to hurt. He tried to pull his arm out of her grasp, but she refused to let go.

"Why did you have Gwen spy on me?" Her tone was cold and threatening. Merlin bit his lip, and regretted making Gwen spy on Morgana. He realized too late that it was the wrong thing to do.

"I'm sorry." Morgana's eyes calmed for half a second, but she was back to glaring at him quickly. The grip on his arm loosened, but Merlin didn't dare to try to pull his arm out of her grasp, afraid she would tighten her grip again.

"I don't believe you." She remarked, her nails boring into Merlin's arm, making him groan in pain. Morgana's eyes filled with accomplishment and amusement, when she saw his reaction, making Merlin feel afraid to be in her company. He didn't understand that she was that angry at him. It wasn't very nice of him to let someone spy on her like that, but to become so angry? He just didn't understand.

"Why not?" he asked. Why didn't she believe he was genuinely sorry? She knew he cared for her, didn't she? She huffed, and finally released his arm. Merlin sighed in relief, and looked at his now red arm, who was still burning from her tight grasp.

"I'm not blind, you dislike me, you want me gone." Merlin frowned, where did she get that crazy idea from? Did he ever did anything to make her think that?

"I sent Gwen to spy on you because I was concerned." He looked into her eyes, but it was clear that she didn't believe him. She balled her fist, and Merlin took a step back, afraid of what she would do.

"If you were so concerned then you wouldn-" she stopped mid-sentence, looking into his eyes with a hint of hurt. What wouldn't he? Is it something he did? She looked downwards, and cleared her throat. "Never mind." she huffed, and turned around. She started to walk away, her hand still balled into a fist, while murmuring something unintelligible.

Merlin, still feeling confused, and refusing to let her leave without having any answers, grabbed her by the arm this time, and pulled her to face him. His gaze determined and he refused to be afraid of her this time.

"What did I do?' he asked her, looking at her carefully, not wanting to miss the slightest of reaction she might have, to figure something out. He couldn't think of anything he did, and he was desperate to know.

"Nothing, yet." she murmured, not looking into his eyes. It was clear that she didn't want to have this conversation, and she turned around again, indicating that the conversation was over. Merlin let her go this time, knowing that she wouldn't tell him anything, no matter how hard he tried. He was stuck figuring it out on his own. Why was nothing ever easy?

_**~#~**_

Morgana was furious, to say the least. She knew Merlin would team up with Gwen, but it still stung like a bee, and it only made her realize that she had been alone, all this time, and fooled by everyone she once cared about. Gwen she could forgive, she did it because Merlin convinced her to, but Merlin, oh, she was so angry she had almost used her magic. She wanted to expose herself, and kill him, because it would be so much easier that way. But she stopped when she realized that if she did that, she would never figure out the reason he would poison her. She'd almost asked him, but she knew that it had no use. It was obvious Merlin didn't plan on poisoning her yet.

Gwen was in her chambers, making her bed, and Morgana didn't know what to do. She had so many questions to ask, but no way of asking them. Did Gwen have anything to do with Merlin poisoning her? Was the only reason Gwen betrayed her, because Merlin asked her to?

Gwen noticed she was staring at her, and smiled sweetly at her. Morgana woke up from her thoughts and smiled back. There was one thing she wanted to know, that she could ask.

"What's with you and Merlin?" she tried to act nonchalant, and Gwen snapped up from whatever she was doing immediately. Morgana laughed at the way she acted, she was so bad at hiding things.

"Why do you ask?" Gwen responded, Morgana knew she would ask that.

"Just curious." Morgana started to brush her hair, and stared at Gwen expectantly. What she didn't expect however, was that Gwen's eyes started to light up with amusement, and understanding. Gwen smiled brightly and squealed silently.

"Do you like Merlin?' she nudged her arm in a playful way, and Morgana felt her whole body tense up. This was the second time someone assumed that she liked Merlin, why did they? It was obvious that she didn't, wasn't it?

"No." she responded, her voice an octave higher, in pure confusion. Gwen smile was even wider, something that Morgana held impossible, since her smile was already huge. Morgana frowned, and didn't like Gwen's exited stare.

"When did it start?" Morgana frowned, what to do? Deny it? Or just make up some story about her 'love' for Merlin? She shuddered just thinking about it. Either way, it probably didn't matter if she denied it or not.

"I don't like Merlin." Morgana urged. Gwen nodded, but the knowing smirk was still on her face. Morgana sighed in defeat, but she was glad the topic was over. She hoped that Gwen wouldn't pull some weird trick to force Merlin and her together, because she didn't know how much longer she could keep herself from killing him.

_**~#~**_


	8. Chapter 8

_Chapter 8_

The day had finally come to an end, and Morgana was exhausted. All kinds of emotions and thoughts had been inside her head all day, bothering her, never letting her have any rest. She hoped that her mind would shut up long enough for her to get some, she felt like she deserved it.

A knock was heard on her door, and Morgana sighed. She was too tired to handle anymore drama, at least for today, since drama was inevitable somehow. She opened the door reluctantly and tensed up, when she saw the conflicted face of Merlin. She took a deep breath, taking in his tired appearance. She wasn't the only one bothered apparently.

"Um.. Gwen, told me you wanted to see me?" Merlin said awkwardly, rubbing his neck with his hand. Morgana resisted the urge to roll her eyes, and slam the door shut. Of course, Gwen was trying to be even more annoying by setting her and Merlin up, because that would help her, yeah, just great. Should she say no, and leave Merlin thinking about why Gwen said, and risk the chance of him thinking she had a crush on him? Why did it even matter what he thought?

"Ehh, yeah, I do..." she opened the door wider, allowing Merlin to step inside. She tried to think of a reason that she would want to see him. "Can you up the dose of my sleeping draft?" it was a stupid thing to say, but it was the only thing she could come up with.

"Why not ask Gaius?" She sighed, thinking again, this was so annoying!

"I.." a idea popped into her head. "I wanted to apologize for, you know.. earlier." she saw Merlin's troubled face light up, like a burden was lifted from his shoulders. If only he knew that she wasn't sorry at all.

"It's okay, you're forgiven." he smiled, and she faked a relieved smile. Merlin stared at her for a while, and just when she wanted to ask what the heck he was doing, he pulled her in for a hug. She held back a shriek, and was awestruck for a second, not moving. What was he doing? She didn't recall that they were on hugging terms?

She realized that she should probably return the hug, and did so. She had to admit, it was quite nice to be hugged, by someone else then her sister. It felt, different somehow that hugging her sister, she couldn't pinpoint what felt so different though.

"I do care about you," he said while hugging her. The words were a little too close to home for her, and the position they were in didn't help either, so she pulled back, and tried to stop her body from shaking so much. Stupid body! Why did it have to betray her so much!

"I know." she responded, even though she didn't. She was afraid of what would happen if they continued this conversation, her mind was already racing with thoughts that troubled her. She didn't need any more. He nodded awkwardly, noticing her discomfort that she was unable to hide.

"I should probably go." he pointed to the door, moving towards it. She nodded, unable to speak, and opened the door for him. She couldn't keep her eyes off of him. For a second they just stared at each other, not moving. Morgana cleared her throat, making Merlin wake up from whatever daydream he was having, and he finally left.

When she closed the door, she let out a shaky breath, and he knees felt weak and wobbly. Her hands were still shaking, and he throat was dry. What was happening? This never happened when she hugged her sister... She was definitely not getting any sleep tonight. Gwen was so going to pay for this! How dare she put her in a situation like that, she could have blown her cover and killed him!

Even though the thought of killing him hadn't even crossed her mind once, but still! What if she did, one could only have so much self control. She looked into the mirror, and noticed a faint blush on her face. She patted her cheeks, trying to swat the redness away, but of course, it didn't work. She groaned and let herself fall onto her bed with a loud thump. She just felt weird because she was tired, all this would return to normal tomorrow.

Another knock was heard on her door. She her heart immediately started thumping in her chest, and she took another deep breath before opening the door. Of course, Merlin was there again. She was about to ask why, when she saw that he held her sleeping draft in his hand.

"you told me you wanted more, right?" he said, She nodded, and reached for the draft. She ignored the heat of his hands touching hers, when she grabbed the draft.

"Thank you." she said, not meeting his eyes. She held the door for support, afraid that she would fall over, or worse, faint. There was silence, and Morgana could feel Merlin's presence. This was ridiculous! She heard him shuffle his feet, and she met his eyes carefully.

"Goodnight." he said, his eyes soft. Morgana managed a smile, and closed the door without saying anything. Did she just close the door on him? She mentally cursed herself for being so foolish. What was her deal? She was just fine with seeing him in the morning, what happened?

She decided to stop thinking about it completely, before she drove herself mad. She climbed into bed, and closed her eyes. She wasn't surprised when the familiar blue-eyed boy made his appearance, and tried to stop the images in her head. When all resistance was futile, she sighed, and finally fell asleep.

_**~#~**_


	9. Chapter 9

_Chapter 9_

The loud clattering of rain echoed on her window, a dark and gloomy cloud, visible on the sky. Morgana had been staring out of the window, lost in her own thoughts for a while now. Time drifted by slowly, and quickly at the same time somehow, making her feel somewhat disoriented.

She sighed deeply, thinking of something to do. She had forgotten how uneventful her life inside the castle had been sometimes. Just when she thought that, she saw Merlin hurrying along in the rain towards the place where the prison cells were located. She followed him with her eyes with newfound interest.

The prison cells? What would Merlin gain from going there at a time like this? It was well past eleven, not exacly a time one would visit the cells, normally at least. Curiosity was eating her from the inside, and the fact that she was incredibly bored increased the effect.

Soon she found herself waking out of her chambers, towards the prison cells as well.

_**~#~ **_

Merlin had been restless all night, the same questions that were left unanswered swimming through his head. Morgana had always been someone who seemed to be more then she let on, especially now, he was absolutley certain it was something that he had to know.

Confronting her with questions wasn't the best strategy, since previous attempts hadn't been successful. So he did the only thing he could think of- ask Kilgarrah.

It was way too late to be doing this, and not exacly the best weather to be walking outside, but Merlin knew that he wouldn't rest until he had at least spoken to the wise dragon. With detirmined steps he walked towards the prison cells, not knowing that he was being watched.

As usual, two guards blocked his path towards Kilgarrah. Thankfully, one of the guards was already fast asleep, and the other looked pretty beat as well. Merlin did the only thing that he could think of in such a short notice, and tried to lure the one guard away, using an old trick.

He used a knife that was placed on the table, and threw it to the other side of the room, using his magic. The tired knight stood up with a huff, too tired to question it, and went out of sight. Merlin quickly made his way to the entrance to where Kilgarrah was imprisoned, and opened the lock with ease, using his magic.

His steps echoed in the hall that led to Kilgarrah's cave, and he could hear the soft snoring of the dragon. He did feel slightly bad for waking him up, but he didn't come all this way for nothing. Kilgarrah came into view and Merlin coughed, hoping that would be enough to wake the dragon up.

Behind him, he swore he could hear a soft gasp, and Merlin looked around him, but saw now one. Probably just the wind, he thought. Merlin coughed a second time, only louder, this time, Kilgarrah opened his eyes.

"ah, young warlock." the dragon yawned, he looked slightly annoyed. Merlin gulped, at the intense glaring he recieved from the dragon. "to what do I owe the displeasure of seeing you at this hour?"

Merlin recovered himself once he remembered why he was here. "I'm here for answers." the dragon chuckled.

"you come to me, for answers?" the dragon said, chuckling at some kind of inside joke. Merlin nodded. The dragon stopped laughing when he noticed that Merlin was serious. "ask away." the dragon spoke.

"you warned me, for Morgana, once before." the dragon sighed deeply and hung his head downwards. "why is she a threat?"

"she's not on your side." Kilgarrah hinted. Merlin rolled his eyes in frustation.

"a little more specfic?" Kilgarrah chuckled once again. "why is she dangerous?" Merlin knew that Morgana was up to something. But he came here for answers, and he definetly didn't plan on leaving with more questions.

"she harnasses powers that she should never have gotten." Kilgarrah explained. "it would be best if the witch never knew the true extent of her powers." Merlin frowned, he felt te urge to slam his head against the wall. This was useless, he was never getting answers out of the dragon, he was just wasting his time being here.

"you know what? I'm done this is ridic-" the dragon cut him off.

"you must kill her." Kilgarrah's voice was confident and insistent. Merlin froze. He swore he could hear another wimper behind him, but he paid no attention.

"no." he shook his head furiously. "I'm not going to do that." if there was one thing he was sure about, it was that.

"young warlock, if there was another option, I would've told you." the dragon's voice was almost threathening, sending shivers down Merlin's spine. He uged his fear down.

"I don't care. I won't kill her." Merlin had heard enough, he furiously turned around and started waking towards the exit, the dragon shouting after him. Merlin didn't even hear him, he didn't even notice there was something in front of him until he bumped into it.

"Morgana?"


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N wow, 10 chapters already! I'm sorry for taking so long to put up this chapter (again). I have no excuse for this, I simply lost interest in writing for a while, but the interest thankfully returned to me. I want to thank everyone who reviewed etc. and putting up with me for all this time, you truly are amazing. **** This chapter gets sort of angsty. **

_Chapter 10_

There were no words to explain how she felt. Her whole body felt limp, she just wanted to fall to her knees and let everything sink in. Her head was pounding, trying to process all the information that had been thrown at her, but unable to. She supported herself with her hand on the cave wall, knowing that if she didn't, her legs would give out. She was so lost in her inner turmoil that she didn't register the sound of feet on the ground, coming closer. She became more alert when a body slammed into hers.

She knew who it was, but she didn't want it to be true. Her breathing grew heavier, her nails bore into her skin with so much force it hurt, but she didn't mind. She kept her eyes closed when she heard his sickening voice echo against the walls. "Morgana?" She heard the fear and surprise in his voice; it sent unexplainable shivers of anger through her body. Every move she heard him make, every breath, infuriated her. She had to get away, clear her mind, and just go.

She turned herself around, forced her eyes open, and ordered her legs to take her away from him. As she expected Merlin followed her out of the cave, but she kept on running, not sparing a glance back, because she was afraid of what she would do when she saw him. He lied to her, but he defended her somewhat, did that make it any less horrible? It wasn't such a hard question, of course it was unforgivable that he lied to her despite everything.

Her inner turmoil, however, was focused on different things, he didn't want to kill her, but he did so anyway. Who was that person or thing that Merlin was talking to, that seemed to know something, before it had even happened? How did it know that... she gritted her teeth just thinking about it, it stirred an unknown anger inside of her. How did it know that merlin was a sorcerer? Was the thing Merlin's accomplice?

It must be somebody important, Merlin would never agree to killing her otherwise, would he? She heard the footsteps behind her fade away, but she kept on running. She had no idea where she was going. She passed some guards but she didn't even spare them a second glance. The guards followed her out of the castle, but eventually their footsteps quieted as well. When she felt her legs give out more than they already had, she fell to the ground with a thud, smudging her favourite dress with mud. But her mind didn't even register that fact. When she ran, she could limit the thoughts about Merlin, but when she sat, she had all the time to think.

Her eyelids felt heavy, and she let her limp body lie down on the damp grass. She shivered from the cold, but she was too tired to keep her eyes open, to find some shelter. Everything would be fine by tomorrow. Tomorrow she'll know what to do, it would be okay. She managed to snicker at her own foolishness, were things ever okay?

She faded off into sleep.

_**~#~**_

When she awoke, she almost expected Gwen to be there, tell her good morning, and give her breakfast with a tired smile. But she wasn't. She found herself somewhere in the forest, her clothes damp and covered in mud. What was she thinking running off into the middle of nowhere? It wasn't like her to let her feelings get control over her thoughts like that. She groaned when she felt her headache worsen. She lifted herself off the ground with more difficulty than it should have been.

She vaguely remembered how she ran, and she could feel that fact by the soreness of her legs. How could she have been so stupid? Why did she embarrass herself like that? She wanted to go back to the castle, but she had no idea what she would say when she got back. What excuse could there be for running off like that?

Then there was Merlin, what would she do if she saw him? Her mind had cleared a little bit, but she still didn't know what to do. The obvious answer would be to kill him, but something was holding her back, that nagging curiosity. She wondered how he was able to hide the fact that he had magic so well, she wanted to know what or who that thing was that he was talking to in the cave. She sighed deeply, and set course back to the castle. She had to return someday.

When the castle came into her view, she started to feel nervous. How would she act around Merlin? What would she tell everyone? She couldn't think of an excuse. Two guards at the front gate immediately recognised her once they saw her. They ran to her, and escorted her into the castle, telling every guard they walked past that Morgana had returned. It was all very embarrassing.

Her breath hitched when she arrived in the throne room, where everyone was gathered to see her return, including Merlin. His gaze haunted her more than it used to, she knew that a confrontation was inevitable. Her father said a few words, but they faded into the background. Morgana couldn't take her eyes away from Merlin's. She hoped no-one would notice. They broke their stares, when her father pulled her into a tight embrace.

"I'm so glad you're okay" he muttered into her shoulder. Morgana's urge to run grew, but she took a calming breath and muttered back. 'Me too.' Even though she wasn't okay at all. He let go of her, his eyes watery. She was only gone for one night; there was no need to be so dramatic. She forced a smile, which surely wasn't convincing. Her eyes involuntarily returned to Merlin's. She tried to read his gaze, but she had no idea what he was thinking. Usually she could figure him out in an instant, but she wasn't so sure anymore. She felt like she never knew him at all.


	11. Chapter 11

_Chapter 11_

Morgana was finally allowed some time alone, after the melodramatic moment with Uther was over. She intended to return to her chambers as soon as possible. She had to get away from Merlin, who was surely intending to talk to her, confront her about what happened. She just didn't want to face him right now. Firstly, because of the way her body responded when she was around him. His gaze sent shivers down her back, she couldn't determine if it was out of fear, anger or something else. She did know that it was something terribly, terribly wrong. Secondly, her walls were still down. She would never let Merlin see her at her weakest. Every move she made was carefully thought about and planned. Right now, she had no idea what she'll do.

She tried asking herself what she would've done a few weeks ago, and the answer was always the same. Expose him, be done with him forever. She would watch him burn at the stake, and enjoy it. But now, she just couldn't. There was some unknown force holding her back from exposing Merlin's secret. There were so many questions left unanswered, who he was talking to, how he managed to hide his secret for so long, why he didn't tell her. She just had to know more about merlin; she wanted to figure him out. Strip back his guarded layers, and find the _real _merlin.

She had walked across the long hallway to her chambers. She opened the door with reluctance, somehow expecting Merlin to be there, waiting for her return. Silently, she strode into the room, with faked confidence. He wasn't there. She hadn't noticed that she was so tense until relief washed over her. She closed her eyes and took a calming breath.

She jumped when she heard a knock on her door. Her nerves re-appeared, even worse than they were before. She desperately tried to fix herself before she would open the door, but she knew that it was useless. She opened the door with a smile, and the smile became a real one when she saw that it was just Arthur. Arthur looked at her with concern in his eyes, and she instantly knew that this conversation was going to be an annoying one. Arthur walked inside, to reveal his damned servant to be standing there behind him. It felt like a kick to the stomach, she definitely wasn't expecting him this time. Her breath hitched, and she was certain that Arthur had noticed, since a frown on his face appeared.

'Are you okay?' he asked, putting a comforting hand on her shoulder. Morgana couldn't bring herself to put up a façade quick enough, so she avoided Arthur's gaze. Instead, her gaze was on Merlin's who seemed to avoid her. Why did he come here then?

'I'm fine.' She responded; it came out shakier than she wanted it to. Arthur let go of his shoulder, and nodded. Morgana knew that Arthur didn't believe a word she had said, just great…

'Sorry that Merlin's here.' Arthur said in his usual cocky way, likely an attempt to lighten the atmosphere. 'He wanted to see if you were okay.' Arthur rolled his eyes, and looked at her expectantly, assuming she would laugh at that.

'Oh, em..' she muttered, and forced an amused smile. 'It's okay though.' Her glance returned to Merlin. 'That's very kind of you.' She made sure it sounded threatening. She wasn't going to be weak around him; she needed to up her game. They shared a glance that could only be understandable for the both of them. The tension between them seemed to intensify to a dangerously high level. Arthur seemed to be oblivious to it, or pretended to be.

'What happened?' Arthur asked, and morgana snapped out of her intense glaring match with merlin, realising it had gone on for a bit too long. Arthur would be stupid not to see. Even when she returned her gaze to Arthur, she could still feel Merlin's gaze on her, sending shivers down her back. She cleared her throat and made herself look as fragile as possible. She knew merlin was carefully studying her reactions to these kinds of questions. Merlin must be nervous too, she could easily expose merlin right here. A small part of her told her to do it, but that part didn't win.

'I don't remember, I must have sleepwalked.' It was a bad lie, but she couldn't focus well enough with merlin staring at her like that. From the corner of her eye she could see some of the tension in merlin's shoulders disappear. Arthur didn't seem to believe her, her lie was definitely a bad one, she had to admit that.

'Okay.' Arthur sighed. He seemed a bit disappointed, obviously, because he knew morgana wasn't telling the truth. He patted her shoulder again, and shared a look with Merlin, who nodded.

'It's time for us to go.' Arthur and merlin both walked towards her door.

'Thank you for coming.' She said out of courtesy, she made sure to glare at merlin, getting the message across that she wasn't happy that he was here. Even though she kind of was, maybe? Merlin snapped out of some kind of trance, and quickly looked at his feet.

'You're welcome.' Arthur opened the door and grabbed merlin by the arm. 'Don't just stand there, looking at your feet like an idiot.' He muttered, it was clear morgana wasn't supposed to hear that. Arthur sent her one last reassuring smile before he exited her chamber. Merlin followed him, and sent a worried glance towards morgana before the door closed.


End file.
